Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Only Editor Who Matters

Recently I had a "crisis moment" -- a point (caused by a very upsetting job search and a number of writing rejections) where I felt I couldn't go on. I was a failure anyway, so what was the point?

That night, my dad and I sat down together and he told me, "Nina, it doesn't matter to God what you do for a living. He doesn't care if you pick geraniums for the rest of your life. All that matters to Him is whether you do it with Him in your heart."

That set me back, made me think. I realized it's true. When we die, God isn't going to ask us whether we were successful in business. He doesn't care if we are rich or poor, famous or unknown.

When I die, He's not going to ask me if I made the New York Times Bestsellers List. He's not going to care if I am widely-published, moderately published, or not published at all.

What He's going to ask me is "Did you write with Me in your heart?"

How amazing is that. God's expectations of us are so unbelievably low. And so incredibly high.

....

Don't get me wrong: this insight didn't solve my problems. I still struggle every day with a sense of worth, wondering if this is where I'm really supposed to be. But when the darkness starts to close in and I don't know where to turn, I hear that shining voice of whispered thunder: "Am I in your heart?"

And then I remember Who I'm truly writing for.

5 comments:

Carrie L. Lewis said...

Hey, Nina,

Thanks for the link to this blog. It so accurately mirrors my own current struggles with writing, with painting and with life in general. It's so easy to get caught up in the world's definition of success and doing well that we lose sight of what's really important.

Carrie L. Lewis

Hannah said...

NINA! *slaps her* You're a GREAT writer! It's just your stupid Inner Editor.

Kelsey said...

Thanks a bunch for this. I needed it too.

Stay strong! Praying for you!

Nina Hansen said...

I'm so glad this resonated with someone besides me. It has actually helped keep me spirits up during this past very difficult week.

Thank you so much for the prayers, Aly!

Lorna G. Poston said...

You are such a good writer. Do you know that? Your blogs are incredible.

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